i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
