I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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