Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
