he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
