What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
