Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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