I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
