i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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