alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
