Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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