i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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