I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have feelings that need drinking.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
