anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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