what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
