Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
