My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
