it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
