So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
