come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
