Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
