I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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