Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
