now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
