Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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