when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
