Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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