if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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