my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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