So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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