birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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