Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
even my farts smell like vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
