Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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