im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
