I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
