i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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