Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
