Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
