is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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