in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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