I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
