I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I still have a little drunk in my system
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
