I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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