Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I need to stop coming to work sober
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
