Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
