just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
