I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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