Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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