i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
