y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
