i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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