Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
